Ready to write again
Over the past week, I slipped into some depression and couldn’t bring myself to write. However, because of it, as God restored my strength to remain steadfast to the A-Z blogging challenge, He also redirected my original “G” post idea. So, here goes…
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.”
Psalm 73:21-22 niv
Despite having a 2-session bad experience with a counselor recently, she did give me one wise thing to ponder.
GRIEF: Consider your losses, and grieve
I hadn’t considered our move away from “familiar” last year or the news of my husband’s job moving to another major city as something to grieve. I hadn’t considered the source of my anxiety and depression as from things lost.
So, I began to list what I’d loss in the move from Nebraska to Montana—people, places, and things…my comfort zones--and with the pending move from Montana to Colorado—friends never made, places never seen, and things never experienced. I am allowing myself to go through the stages of grief with them.
Denial – “No, it can’t possibly be….”
Anger/Blaming – “It’s all your fault…”
Bargaining – “I’ll make a deal with you, God…”
Depression – “I can’t do this. I do want to do this. I won’t do this…”
Acceptance – “Well, guess I can. I guess I have to. I guess I will…”
The losses from our move have been more difficult for me than the losses of loved ones through death. Yes, the loss of them grieved my heart. The void left because God called them to their new eternal home with Him brought pain and sorrow; but the knowledge of them being right with God through Jesus Christ also gave me comfort and joy.
Strange as it may sound to some people, when I talk about the day my dad died as being a blessing, I usually receive strange looks. But it was. (If you’re interested, you can read about it here.)
Today's lesson: Grieve ~ Allow yourself to grieve. Work through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Cry out to God. Weep until you run out of tissues. Stomp your feet. Curl up into the fetal position. Run until your side hurts. But, let God comfort you through each stage and every position.
Remember what Jesus said: “Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also… I am way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.” John 14:1-3, 6
[And my grief continues. As I write today, it is with a heavy grieving heart. My mom called today to say, “It won’t be long. His heart has slowed greatly. His lung capacity has dimensioned significantly. He has chosen to sleep in the ‘death bed’ Hospice brought to the house.”
He is my big brother; I am his baby sister.]
Additional reading – 1 Corinthians 1:3-6