Wow, has it really been fifteen days?! I’m still pressing forward, staying the course, and focusing on the goals but I admit that some days have been more challenging than others due to obstacles and distractions which are mainly my own emotional roller-coaster ride.
Fear, doubt, hurt and confused feelings
Fear stood before me as I attempted to write 300-375 words in 10-12 hours a week. At times it made me curl up into the fetal position, quivering and crying like a baby. Still determined, I stood up, washed my face, and shuffled along.
That’s when doubt grabbed me by the feet, knocked me down, and hog-tied me. I fell to my knees into the dirt. With the little fight left in me, I attempted to crawl toward the goal, but doubt held the rope taut. I felt helpless, worn, and defeated. I called out for help, and God sent a helping hand named “my husband.” His words of encouragement refreshed my soul, and his hand of love swept the dirt from my knees. With a tender kiss to my cheek, he untied the rope and raised me up again.
The path seemed smoother and rid of the obstacles. My steps were lighter, even skipping. Words began flowing from the tips of my fingers onto the computer screen. The pace picked up so much that I felt a new confidence overcame me and I began to jog. The sun shone brighter and my smile grew bigger. The goals laid ahead of me came back into view, and then…wham!
Standing smack-dab in front of me was a wall that hurt and dazed me. I hit it hard and fell back on my butt. It came out of no where. When the stars stopped revolving around my head, I saw my bloody feelings running from my broken heart. I tried to stop the bleeding with reason and understanding. I stepped aside to receive first aid from God to heal the abrasions. He laid His hand upon my wound while whispering sweet words of comfort removing my confusion, and helping me to avoid the temptation of quitting or sabotaging my journey.
Courage, belief, healing, and clarity
The obvious challenges of hiking the Appalachian Trail are the steep climbs up and down the mountain sides wearing the body down, but add some rain and the mind becomes the bigger deterrent to keep going. Lifting my tired, heavy legs as not to trip over tree roots, stones, or even my own feet was a constant confrontation. Crossing bogs by way of twelve inch sliced logs was a greater fear for me than wild animals in the dark of the night. Not being able to see clearly the path before me did not give me the option to give the journey up.
The Trail taught me courage to believe that I could overcome obstacles and distractions. It showed me that cliffs are for climbing over or around. I learned what it truly means to press on, to keep on keeping on through the tough stuff life throws at me.
This week has been trying as you can see, but I am not defeated, not pressed down.
Seasons come and seasons go and I believe…I’m pretty sure…that I am just about out of my
24-month season of loss and returning to a season of life. Of course, only time
will tell.
